As mentioned, I am a recovering all-or-nothingaholic. It seemed to me that if I could't do anything perfectly, it wasn't worth doing at all. Either I would exercise every day or not at all. Sometimes I would be on a good streak, but then I would miss a day for whatever reason, and it would all be over.
Slowly I began to realize that something is better than nothing. It came along with getting rid of black and white thinking. Although it still plagues me now, I'm happy I have gotten better at it. Having a child only compounds feelings of inadequacy and you don't really have a choice to be a perfect mom or not a mom at all once you have a baby.
As a mom, one thing I can think of that has forced me to reconcile with this way of thinking was our decision to use reusable diapers. My first instinct was that we would ONLY ever use the reusable diapers, even when we were outside the house. My husband (whose idea it was to use reusables) said that he had no problems using disposables from time to time, and I realized I was being haunted by old ways of thinking and thought that the occasional disposable wouldn't hurt. Then my daughter was born and she wasn't quite big enough for them and for the first three weeks we used disposables. I was tired enough and it was so easy, but I despaired for all the money we had spent and gave the cloth diapers a go. And then my daughter got a very bad diaper rash, and we went back to disposables. I wanted to quit the cloth diapers and even thought of how we could possibly gain some of the money we had spent back. But then the diaper rash went away, and we gave (messy) time without any diaper at all to keep it away and gave the cloth diapers another go. We still use disposables at night and when we're out, but I've accepted that I don't have to use cloth diapers 100% of the time to make it worthwhile. Even using just one reusable diaper saves one disposable from the landfill.
I am reminded of the story of the two men on the beach. The beach was littered with starfish and one of the men was picking up one at a time and throwing them back in the ocean. The other man looked at him like he was crazy and said, "What are you doing? There are thousands of starfish! You'll never make a difference." The other man picked up a starfish, threw it in the ocean and said, "Made a difference to that one." This has always been my motto for teaching, and I should remember to make it my motto for life. Because something is always better than nothing.
"Ideals are like stars. You will not succeed in touching them with your hands. But, like the seafaring man on the desert of waters, you choose them as your guides and following them you will reach your destiny." Unknown
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Friday, April 15, 2011
Great Expectations, or Much Ado About Nothing
I've come here today to discuss the future of this blog and make yet another reference to The Happiness Project. It really is a great blog; you should go and read it. I could go on to say how it's a much worthier blog than this one, and what the heck are you doing here reading this blog and in a sense it would all be relevant because that's why I'm writing this post. Mostly for myself, you see, especially since I've only got one follower at this point. Which isn't to say that I've got one reader, but still. Small digression to point out that when I started writing this blog, this "follower" business did not exist. And I had to walk two miles to school in the snow, uphill both ways. I only had one boot, because I had to share with my sister. And we used to tie an onion around our belt, because that was the style in those days. End of digression.
The thing is, when I started this blog, I also made a promise to myself that I wouldn't write unless I had something worth writing about. I have kept true to that promise, to the extent that I haven't written very much at all. But the fact of the matter is that even now, when I have a lot to say, I am not writing much.
Right now I am wondering how often I should write, which brings us back to The Happiness Project . The author was advised when she started her blog to write every day. This is part of her post on procrastination, and I get it. It is much easier to get in the habit of doing something when you do it everyday.
My problem is the opposite, I think. If I am faced with doing something EVERY day, I find that to be quite intimidating. I'm a recovering all-or-nothing kind of gal, but that's another post for another day. Besides, once I've gone through all the ideas I've been storing up for a moment when I have time to write, what would I write about?
And this brings me to my final point, and back to make sense of the earlier disparaging comments. A person cannot do anything for an extended period of time unless it is something they enjoy. Steal Like an Artist is an inspirational piece that says that rather than the tired adage "write what you know," you should really be writing what you like. So regardless of whether or not this is the crappiest blog ever and no one reads it, I'm writing for my own enjoyment. And I think there's something to be said about writing honestly about one's feelings and (trying) not to care what others think. Hey, it worked for Wil Wheaton.
The thing is, when I started this blog, I also made a promise to myself that I wouldn't write unless I had something worth writing about. I have kept true to that promise, to the extent that I haven't written very much at all. But the fact of the matter is that even now, when I have a lot to say, I am not writing much.
Right now I am wondering how often I should write, which brings us back to The Happiness Project . The author was advised when she started her blog to write every day. This is part of her post on procrastination, and I get it. It is much easier to get in the habit of doing something when you do it everyday.
My problem is the opposite, I think. If I am faced with doing something EVERY day, I find that to be quite intimidating. I'm a recovering all-or-nothing kind of gal, but that's another post for another day. Besides, once I've gone through all the ideas I've been storing up for a moment when I have time to write, what would I write about?
And this brings me to my final point, and back to make sense of the earlier disparaging comments. A person cannot do anything for an extended period of time unless it is something they enjoy. Steal Like an Artist is an inspirational piece that says that rather than the tired adage "write what you know," you should really be writing what you like. So regardless of whether or not this is the crappiest blog ever and no one reads it, I'm writing for my own enjoyment. And I think there's something to be said about writing honestly about one's feelings and (trying) not to care what others think. Hey, it worked for Wil Wheaton.
Sunday, April 10, 2011
The Bamboo and the Fern
The story of The Bamboo and the Fern made me realize that we don't always have to be doing and growing. Sometimes it's hard to step back from life and learn to be comfortable where you are, rather than trying to see beyond the next peak.
The Happiness Project reminds me of the paradox inherent in accepting myself and striving to improve myself. While I enjoy reflection and self-improvement, perhaps it was time to try to appreciate all the gains I have made, catch my breath and rest. It was hard to do, the same way I think people find meditation hard to do- we must always feel like we are doing something. When I was in college and university I would use public transit to get to my destinations. This involved taking a bus to the subway station. Sometimes I would walk the 20 minute walk to the subway instead of waiting for the bus, even I knew the bus would pass me on the way there. I just couldn't stand waiting, it seemed so unproductive even though waiting would have got me to my destination sooner and hence, would have been more productive.
So it is with self-improvement. It cannot be forced when the time is not right. I recently had a child, and shortly before giving birth I realized that I had a wonderful opportunity for growth. There is so much we can learn from our children and I look forward to all the lessons that my little guru has to teach me.
"All change is not growth, all movement is not forward" -Oliver Wendell Holmes
The Happiness Project reminds me of the paradox inherent in accepting myself and striving to improve myself. While I enjoy reflection and self-improvement, perhaps it was time to try to appreciate all the gains I have made, catch my breath and rest. It was hard to do, the same way I think people find meditation hard to do- we must always feel like we are doing something. When I was in college and university I would use public transit to get to my destinations. This involved taking a bus to the subway station. Sometimes I would walk the 20 minute walk to the subway instead of waiting for the bus, even I knew the bus would pass me on the way there. I just couldn't stand waiting, it seemed so unproductive even though waiting would have got me to my destination sooner and hence, would have been more productive.
So it is with self-improvement. It cannot be forced when the time is not right. I recently had a child, and shortly before giving birth I realized that I had a wonderful opportunity for growth. There is so much we can learn from our children and I look forward to all the lessons that my little guru has to teach me.
"All change is not growth, all movement is not forward" -Oliver Wendell Holmes
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